Miracles

I made a goal to blog/journal at least once a month this year. Super great in Jan. Feb...oops. Well, that was a stressful month :)
Here I am now. I want to record the miracles that happened in our family over the last 6 weeks so that I don't forget them.
Clint was laid off from his job on his birthday. We had just gotten home from Mexico the night before.  This is the company that is owned by friends and that paid for us to move to Utah. The job lasted 6 months. We were devastated. We racked our brains to figure out why this happened. What did we do to deserve this? What the heck do we do now? We mourned for a few days and then we picked ourselves up and carried on.
I did sub training and started subbing in Alpine schools. Loved it. I started selling Usborne books. Love it. Then I started watching twin 5 year old girls before kindergarten every morning. I got paid to stay home with my kids. Win win.
 I had moments when I couldn't breathe, but I was so much more put together than last time. I felt peace. The Lord's hand was apparent in so many ways: money, gift cards and bread dropped off on our porch, a loving and concerned ward family, connections with people on Facebook and LinkedIn, a generous severance package and a few extra months of health benefits. The list goes on.
Clint had several interviews right off the bat so he stayed confident and up-beat. We thought about applying out of state, but it felt right to stay in Utah. We started to understand see the big picture. The Lord wanted us in Utah and the crane job got us here. We never would've considered moving here without that job.
And maybe it wasn't just that the Lord wanted us to be here. I think maybe it was because He knew we would be happy here. This is what we yearned for for our family. I am really happy here. From the house, to the yard and quiet street, to all the activities that the kids are involved in and to the friends we've made already, it feels good to be here.
Clint quickly found a job through a friend in our ward. He's going back in IT as a program manager for a company called Seastone. They design manufacture gift card holders :) It's in Provo, so a reverse commute. The company is family friendly and he has nice, regular hours. We feel blessed to have found such a great job so quickly. We didn't even have to dip into savings.
I'm not sure why we had this confusing trial thrust upon us, but I can honestly say that I grew because of it. It was almost like the Lord needed to remind me that He was right there and I could lean on him. I learned to better recognize His hand in my life.
Onward and upward we go.

Stability

I crave stability and plans. Plans that work out.

We had a blow to our plans this week. When Clint was hired, he was promised a certain  job,salary and monthly bonuses. The company made some changes at the start of the year and Clint's job responsibilities have changed. He is doing less which means bonuses have disappeared.

We can live without bonuses but everything just got tight. So tight that I started looking for a job. Having" just enough money" doesn't make life a lot of fun. No room for any extras. 

We have a trip to Mexico planned for next week, we just bought a new car, we had high hopes of buying a home when our lease in up in June. And now I regret doing all these things. 

We live frugally, we pay our tithing, we have a savings account. But here we are in our mid 30s and there is no stability. We are back to square one.

Yes, there is still a job. Thank goodness. Yes, we still have insurance. Thank goodness. Yes, we still have a roof over our heads. Thank goodness.

But the plans. The goals. Why are the Lord's plans so different for us?

Why do we seem to be getting the same lesson over and over and over?

The Big Move

I made a New Years Resolution to blog/journal at least once a month this year, so I am starting this year off right...3 days in :)

The last time I posted, Clint was just losing his job. Those months of unemployment were not ones I would like to relive. I am sure we learned lessons and became better people because of it, but it is still too recent of a trauma to recognize that yet. I am still healing.

Clint stayed home with the kids while I substitute taught in the kids' school district (thank goodness for a teaching degree to fall back upon..big blessing). Thankfully, we had a savings account and a few other financial mercies that allowed us to stay afloat for a few months of uncertainty.

I mostly enjoyed teaching. It felt great to be back in the schools, but I felt so guilty being away from my younger kids all day. Clint did a great job keeping the household going, but I found it hard to juggle all the responsibilities of mothering while working (even thought it was only 3-4 days a week). 

Meanwhile, on the job front, Clint had several opportunities that almost worked out. It was frustrating how close we got so many times. Come June, when school got out and frustration and fear was taking over, I posted a plea on Facebook.

A text came in from my freshman BYU roommate. They owned a crane company in Utah and apparently had just been talking about what Clint had been up to a few weeks prior to the post, unaware he was unemployed. Utah?!? The last place we had pictured ourselves. 

Clint flew down a week later for a "trial" week to try out the job. He loved it. They loved him. Even though I was dying inside, we knew it was right for us. He even cancelled an Amazon interview which would have kept us in Seattle. He took a job as a crane dispatcher for Mountain Crane.

He was gone a week later....which left me to get the house (our beloved first house we had just bought 16 months earlier) ready to sell and prepare our family for a move. I dug deeper than I had ever dug to get the house sold in a few weeks and pack the whole thing myself. Luckily, we were in a good market and made some good money on the house. 

We prepared to leave the only state my kids had known. We spent hours and hours with friends and family, enjoying the beautiful summer we had been blessed with. I couldn't have done it without my parents, who spent hours helping at the house and with the kids. I think we were all dying imagining life without them 10 minutes down the road. 

The housing market in Utah wasn't as affordable as we had hoped and I was really picky choosing a school district since we were coming from such a great one in Maple Valley. After much prayer, research and conversations with friends, we decided to start a search in Lehi. We looked to buy a home first because the thought of renting again was frustrating to us. I would look at possibilities online and send Clint out to look at homes. After a lot of disappointments (and a weekend trip down to look myself), I had a really good feeling about a home. We put an offer in without even seeing it. They didn't accept and we bumped up our offer, but we didn't hear anything back.

I was getting nervous at this point as we were about a month out of moving and we had no place to go. School started Aug 19, but we would stay in Seattle until our home closed at the end of August. Prayers, fasting, more research. I turned to Facebook again. We had narrowed it down to one elementary school and I posted an ad in the neighborhood's Facebook page about looking for a rental. It was a long shot since people were always looking for homes to rent. A few hours later, I get a message from the owner of the house that we had put an offer on. She asked me if we would like to rent their home. I was floored. 3 weeks before move day and we finally had a home to move to. And we got to "try" out the home for 10 months before we decided if we wanted to buy it or not. Perfect. A miracle.

I finished packing the house. I found a preschool for Blake and a select soccer team for Jack.  Movers came on a Friday. Clint flew home Friday night and we set off on our new adventure Saturday morning. I cried the first hour of the drive. Even though everything had fallen into place, I still felt like I was leaving kicking and screaming. This is not what the plan was supposed to be. 

We moved into our house a few days later. The house was big, gorgeous and had a view I couldn't get enough of. Neighbors were friendly and helpful. The kids immediately had friends to play with on our QUIET street. The kids transitioned without a hitch to their new school that they enjoyed riding their bikes to. Blake loved his new preschool. Clint worked LONG hours, but he enjoyed his job. Clint and I slowly learned to live with each other again (I had gotten pretty dang independent with him gone). The blue sky, sunshine and gorgeous mountains, and warmth met me every morning.  I slowly realized that I liked living in Utah. 

4 months in, I still like it here. I am lonely. I miss my bosom buddies like crazy. I have old friends here, but they have their established lives already. I don't see them like I thought I would. The ward is friendly, but younger and transient. I am tired of making the effort to make friends. It's so much work!!

The kids are thriving. They like Utah and love the home.  Our good friends 3 doors down just bought a home an hour away, so we are mourning their loss a bit.

Clint still enjoys their job. They are redoing some things right now, which always makes me nervous. I hate unemployment uncertainty. Hopefully, the job will work out. If not, there are many tech companies in Lehi, which would make for an awesome commute! The job got us here. For some reason we're supposed to be here. If that's all the job does, so be it. 

Utah. The place we said we would never live. The place where Clint's mom moved to a week prior to us with her new husband. The place where my parents have decided to retire this year. The place we are learning to love. The place the Lord wanted us. His Plan.

Last day

Eek. Tomorrow is Clint's last day of work. We are entering the world of unemployment....something we haven't experienced before. I am feeling a whirlwind of emotions, but I am much more peaceful than I was a week ago. It is all in the Lord's hands now and I have finally accepted that. And it feels so good.

We Survived

School breaks are always anxiety promoting experiences for me. A whole week (or more) of all 4 kids home at once? Eek!

The younger ones and I have such a set schedule of mostly peace and quiet (mostly) while the older ones are at school. When they are home, the balance is off and the chaos begins.

I've found that the less time we spend at home, the better. When we're home, the kids are most likely to begin the fighting. And that is what kills me. I'm really not sure if other siblings fight as much as my kids. Jack fights with Lindsey, Lindsey fights with everyone, and Blake fights with Lindsey.  Lauren just cries and demands to be held. And I want to start working.

This week, we met friends at a bouncy place, took a day trip to Seattle with my most adventurous friend (that was a day!), spent a day at the zoo and went to the park a few times.

The most important thing is that we all survived....even my sanity. And I am reminded of how grateful I am for the fact that Lindsey goes to school all day and how wonderful her teacher is!

 That being said, I am ecstatic that life returns to normal tomorrow. Except it's really not, as the closer we get to Clint's job ending (3 weeks), the insecurity increases and I realize our "normal" is really close to changing. Ugh.

Back In The Classroom

I started substitute teaching this week. 3 afternoons. It worked out pretty well. I left the 2 littles at home with Clint, who lunch, napped and movie-d them, while I spent 3 1/2 hours at the elementary school.

I was super nervous the first day.....it had been nearly 9 years since I had subbed. However, I found that I was able to jump right back into things....almost like I had never left the classroom.

And I loved it. I loved feeling like I could do something else well besides being a stay at home mom (which I don't always do well anyways!). I felt guilty being away from the littles, but I don't think they even noticed I was gone. And I think I returned home a little more rejuvenated and fulfilled.

5 weeks

We had been suspecting for a little while that Clint's job may be ending. His projects were disappearing and there was a little confusion in the office. His boss told him at the beginning of Feb (right after our trip to Disneyland coincidentally) that he should probably start looking for something else. We freaked out a bit (losing a job when you have a mortgage and 4 kids is sorta scary!) and I started applying for jobs for him left and right. I started using the 1-2 hour naptime every day to research and apply for jobs online. He didn't have an end date, but we knew it was coming. 

The end of February came and went and we still had a job. We continued applying and reaching out on Linkedin and Clint had several interviews a week. We felt blessed to still have an income and benefits while we were searching. His boss was still quiet about everything.

Yesterday, they finally met. He told him that he been looking for places to put Clint and reaching out to HR, but there was no longer a need for him on the team as he was unbillable to their client. His last day will be the end of April. 5 weeks away.

I am optimistic, because being afraid doesn't help.  Trust me. I know. I am casting this overwhelming burden on the Lord because only He can bring me peace and comfort. It will all work out. And I will be a stronger person because of this experience.